I don't know where to begin. I am having a ton of thoughts right now, and trying to put them down on paper, or screen in this case, is giving me some difficulties. They are all jumbled in my head. I have been feeling angry and mad at certain situations in Jon's life right now, and I don't like the feeling of having anger in my heart. It takes a bit away from me, if that makes sense. It takes more energy than I want to give it. My problem is letting it go. I have never been one to let things go easily, and I am constantly trying to work on that. It is a struggle. One that I hope to overcome one day. I don't want to get into the situations here on this blog, mainly because they don't actually have anything to do with me personally, but with Jon, and I feel this overwhelming urge to protect him from it, and I can't do that. I can't. This is something he has to do on his own, and I am afraid that he won't, and it is not a healthy choice for him to make. I am working on being supportive and quiet, something I am not very good at!
Life has been very busy for me. School takes a major amount of my time. I like school, but I feel so worm out. It is a lot more than I thought it would be. The cool thing too is that I am meeting a lot of pretty neat people at school, and I have a good time socializing with other adults. I don't get much of that at home.
On to some big news---- My baby girl is walking! She is so cute. She holds her arms in the air and gets going. She makes her momma so proud. My baby boy is crawling around like a mad man now too. He is so precious! He is also starting to cruise on the furniture, so that is pretty amazing to watch! He is getting another MRI in a few weeks, and then it may be on to surgery to place a shunt for his hydrocephalus. I am very nervous about it all, so I am taking my time to think on it and see what this MRI shows, and then I will form more thoughts on it. I am working on taking everything one day at a time, but I can't help that sometimes many days jump on me at once!
Owen has been growing by leaps and bounds. He is such a smart little dude, and let's not forget how sassy he is too! He has a love for art, and really enjoys coloring and painting, which includes using the walls as his canvas, which does not make his grandma very happy.
I know not many people read this blog, but if you are reading it, say a prayer for my mom please. She is having a rough go of it lately, and could really use the thoughts. She is struggling with finding a job, and it is adding a lot of stress to her already stressful life. She has the weight of the world on her shoulders right now. I know that God will provide, and I know that we will be alright. :-)
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
So many new things are happening...
So, it has been around 2 months since my last post! It has been a whirlwind of things going on since then. Jon and I are trying to work on our marriage, and we are each seeking individual counseling at this time, with marital counseling in the future. It all came out of nowhere, but I am taking it one day at a time and moving very slowly. He has told me that he has so much guilt over what he had done that he couldn't face talking to me, and that he didn't think that I would ever be willing to go back with him. I have really great days where I am so happy that we are trying to work on our marriage, and I have really bad days where I have such fear that he is going to break my heart all over again. I have major trust issues with him, and I am learning how to work through those issues. I have some fear that I will never be able to fully get over what happened. I sometimes wish we could go back 6 months and smack ourselves upside our heads. We both saw this coming, and yet we couldn't get ourselves to the place we needed to be. At this very moment, I am looking forward to our future together as a family, and I pray that God will work through us and with us and that we will follow Him and His plans for us.
On a personal note, I have been feeling very overwhelmed lately. I am now in school to become a medical assistant, and it is so time consuming. I feel like I may have gotten myself in too deep, and I am afraid that I won't be able to climb back out! I am working on my time management skills, hoping that it will help me. I need to learn how to study and do homework efficiently while raising 3 kids and taking care of my responsibilities. It is a daunting task, but I am up for the challenge! It has started to hit me that after school is done in the begining of November, I will no longer be working at the childcare. This has been a hard thing for me to deal with. I love my job, and I love my coworkers, and I especially love all the kids. I was called to work there almost 10 years ago, and it is in my heart. It is a part of me. I have built bonds that will last a lifetime, and my kids and I have been blessed to be a part of such a great place. I am hoping that I will be able to keep there once I start working.
Update on the kids- They are all doing great! Owen is learning more and more by the day. He can write his name, knows all of his colors, shapes, ABC's, and can even say some things in Spanish! He amazes me. Lucy is a little spitfire. Her spirit is beautiful, and her temper is red hot! She took 5 steps last weekend, and hasn't taken one since! She is a bit of a scaredy cat. Cole has grown by leaps and bounds. It has been amazing to watch him progress. He is crawling, pulling himself up, and trying to walk now. It is an answer to my prayers for him. He seems to love his young toddler play group, and I enjoy the 45 mintues I get to spend with just him. I wish I had that opportunity with each of my kids. Owen is learning his firt bible verse for his little performance. He is so precious. He is learning Proverbs 3:5. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. He melts my heart!
I would love to say that now that I have updated my blog, I will continue on updating and keeping up with it, but odds are good that the next update will be 2 months from now! Such is life :-)
On a personal note, I have been feeling very overwhelmed lately. I am now in school to become a medical assistant, and it is so time consuming. I feel like I may have gotten myself in too deep, and I am afraid that I won't be able to climb back out! I am working on my time management skills, hoping that it will help me. I need to learn how to study and do homework efficiently while raising 3 kids and taking care of my responsibilities. It is a daunting task, but I am up for the challenge! It has started to hit me that after school is done in the begining of November, I will no longer be working at the childcare. This has been a hard thing for me to deal with. I love my job, and I love my coworkers, and I especially love all the kids. I was called to work there almost 10 years ago, and it is in my heart. It is a part of me. I have built bonds that will last a lifetime, and my kids and I have been blessed to be a part of such a great place. I am hoping that I will be able to keep there once I start working.
Update on the kids- They are all doing great! Owen is learning more and more by the day. He can write his name, knows all of his colors, shapes, ABC's, and can even say some things in Spanish! He amazes me. Lucy is a little spitfire. Her spirit is beautiful, and her temper is red hot! She took 5 steps last weekend, and hasn't taken one since! She is a bit of a scaredy cat. Cole has grown by leaps and bounds. It has been amazing to watch him progress. He is crawling, pulling himself up, and trying to walk now. It is an answer to my prayers for him. He seems to love his young toddler play group, and I enjoy the 45 mintues I get to spend with just him. I wish I had that opportunity with each of my kids. Owen is learning his firt bible verse for his little performance. He is so precious. He is learning Proverbs 3:5. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. He melts my heart!
I would love to say that now that I have updated my blog, I will continue on updating and keeping up with it, but odds are good that the next update will be 2 months from now! Such is life :-)
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